Sometimes, after a long night’s party and a deeply tired Anthony, I like to lounge off to bed in the best way possible. This is the Good Sleep. The Good Sleep is the best type of sleep available.
I guess you could call this a continuation from my most recent blog post, the Late Late, because they’re both discussing the same thing, and this post will continue the line of thinking expressed there.
The Good Sleep is a few different things. Sometimes, it’s after a long party and I feel like resting more than ever before, when my entire body just feels like it’s about to collapse into itself and the muscles just want to relax. Too much activity, too much running and messing around outside or indoors. That’s about all we do when we hang out together. Not so much outdoors nowadays, as it’s way too hot. But sometimes we play Betrayal or Magic outside on Alex’s porch. It’s a great spot for us to just unwind, but with the heat recently it’s become a bit unbearable. Instead, we stay inside and do the same things. That’s the good thing about having versatile playing opportunities!
The Good Sleep is also after a late night. Sometimes, when I stay up exceptionally late (I’m talking as late as like, the early early morning, while Alex is still getting up to go to work) I feel exhausted the next day and can’t seem to catch up on sleep at all, so I tough it out throughout the day and wait until at night again to get sleep in. That’s the good stuff. After that long day of exhaustion, the next sleep feels perfect and heavenly. That’s what the Good Sleep is all about.
I hope this post doesn’t encourage people to stay up super late and destroy their usual bed times; I’m just mentioning my summer hobbies!
Sometimes, when I’m feeling mighty adventurous, I stay up exceptionally late. It’s one of those things I remember doing in college that brings me back to my college years, like looking at pictures or old keychains and feeling nostalgic about a time gone by. When I stay up super late, it’s not because I particularly want to; it’s because I just don’t want whatever is currently happening to ever have to end. I like staying in a constant state of “never knowing when this party will stop.” Sometimes that party is solo, sometimes that party involves lots of people. Either circumstance, the party should never end, and I feel obligated to keep it going because the rest of life isn’t as fun as this.
Sometimes anxiety plays a role, too. It’s not every day I feel like dropping everything and readjusting my sleep schedule to fit that of a hermit with no social skills. Sometimes it just so happens to end up that way by a matter of chance and nothing else.
Is it weird for a 24-year-old to still be experiencing these issues? Should they even be called issues at this point? I’d like to think I’m not alone, but also, does being alone really matter any more? I think I concern myself sometimes with what other people would think of my actions, to the point where I let them define who I am and what I decide to do. Being a teacher, it’s hard not to make yourself malleable, flexible, and adaptable to everything a student says; it’s part of your job to be all of those things, to answer the call of duty whenever it appears, to help those in need. That’s part of our calling. It’s what makes us teachers. Is there any wonder then why teaching became such a difficult profession for me to uphold?
You wake up. Not to an alarm, but to the natural calmness of morning. You yawn, open your eyes, and look at the alarm clock.
Something’s not right.
The calmness dissipates. You are reminded that it is a Monday, that you are to go to work today, and that it is currently 10am. You normally go in to work at 8:45am, and yet nothing woke you up at your usual time. You start to freak out; how did this happen? Will I be fired? Can I still call out? Is this the end? Nothing makes sense in your head. How did you sleep through your loud, terrible alarm clock at 7:15am? How did you sleep through the endless phone notifications Alex sent you when she realized you weren’t answering her morning texts like usual? How did you sleep through her phone calls and more? How did any of this happen?
You roll out of bed quickly, put your clothes on, text one of your coworkers, and rush to the door as fast as possible. It’s time to go to work, even if it’s a bit later than usual.
Self-reflection is helpful, but it also helps more to change patterns of behavior to prevent these instances from happening again. That’s what writing is all about; it helps me internalize my thoughts about this moment, while hopefully helping me find a way to do this better and differently.
One such change I can make is to turn my phone volume on all the time. I usually don’t have it on, because when I get texts, the last thing I want is a verbal reminder to answer it. I feel completely fine answering it at my own pace. But vibrations and sounds are the new norm, for now at least. It’s necessary to prevent me from getting in trouble again!
Going to bed early is seriously underrated. A good night’s sleep? Give that to me. The opportunity to wake up in the morning without feeling like a walking zombie? I’ll take that, any day of the week, including weekends sometimes. The chance to rest on my lazy back without having to sit up or walk around any more? Relaxing and divine, all at once.
When I’m at home and feeling especially tired, I like to go to bed earlier than usual, or at least lay in bed earlier than expected. It’s refreshing to be able to lie down without worrying about anything or anyone, no more chores to do, no more work to prepare, no more people to talk to except the voice inside my head that slowly drifts me to my slumber. Just me and my pillow and the blanket on top of me. Writing this right now, I feel a sudden urge to go right to bed, even though I just drank a long Contigo filled with coffee and it’s almost 1pm and I’m at work. But I can’t help but think about tonight’s sleep, and the sleep after that, and what it’ll be like to go to bed on the weekend without having to worry about what time I get up. The upcoming weekend is a three-day weekend, so it’s even better.
Alex and I both celebrate the early bed time, from time to time. While thinking of blogs to write about, I knew this topic would come up eventually. It’s a necessary part of our work week, as I can’t imagine going to bed any later than 10pm nowadays. Is that weird? Probably, if you’re my mom reading this, knowing I used to be a complete shut-in with constant late-night gaming sessions. Times have changed, I guess, and so have I.
Can’t believe, after all of these blog posts in a row that I’ve written, that I haven’t talked about sleeping yet. Sleeping is so, so enjoyable, and it’s one of my favorite things in the world. I love drifting off to bed with my head’s weight laying down on the pillows, nothing else in mind except the tranquility and relaxation I’m experiencing in this moment. The softness of the pillows, the coziness of the comforters. And nothing feels better than waking up before your alarm, realizing you still have a few more hours of sleep to go, and then drifting back off to sleep another time. I’d like to crystallize that moment and keep it forever, endlessly repeating it over and over until I eventually have to go into work or school or wherever is next. If only it were possible!
Sometimes my anxiety prevents me from falling asleep on time, but I’ve had good luck recently in falling asleep exactly when I need to. I’m almost always tired and ready to go to bed, regardless of what time of the day it is, so if the opportunity presents itself for me to drift off to bed, I’ll take it immediately and with no regrets. Having a strong, sturdy bed with various pillows and a dog sleeping next to the bed definitely helps, although, like I’ve said in other blog posts, having a dog sometimes makes sleeping more difficult than it needs to be. Sometimes you want to sleep for longer during the weekend, and then it’s all wrestled away from you by a dog jumping up on the bed and bothering you until you take him outside. It’s a sensible, ethical alarm clock. Thankfully he’s gotten better at not doing that since we got him his new bed. He’s been a good boy.
In my last post, I spoke briefly about what it’s like to take a nap in the middle of the day, how it affects you later on and in the days afterwards. I’m writing this post the day after taking a long nap during the day, and I feel a bit hazy and tired right now. Still a bit exhausted despite all the sleep I got. I think our bodies get used to sleeping if that’s all we do, and our bodies prevent us from having a fulfilling day.
This isn’t always the case, though. On some days, after a nice short nap, I feel rejuvenated and back in the game, like I just took a long, powerful rest. That’s why they call them power naps, after all; you feel powerful after taking one!
Back when I used to work at a different school, I would be so exhausted from school that I would go home, immediately lie down on my bed, and fall immediately to sleep. It was instantaneous. Partially because I was an anxiety-ridden mess whenever I got home from school, I slept in order to erase the negative feelings I had in my head during the day. The sleep helped me forget the bad times and close my eyes. If you have anxiety, you probably know what I mean when I say that every hour spent awake is another hour spent worrying about something inconsequential and frustrating. When you’re asleep, that’s less time getting worked up over nothing. That’s how naps help with anxiety, along with exercise and other important things like that.
This all being said, taking a nap is one of the most enjoyable things you can do, especially if you need one badly and you set an alarm to make sure you don’t oversleep or anything like that.
Sleep is difficult when the lights are on
And the sun shows its face in the window.
But it’s 5am and the birds chirp loudly
When they first awake to call to their kin.
I’ve been up all night writing a draft
Of a note of an essay to someone,
Who won’t ever see it, not if I have a say.
I can’t rest when my mind reels back
From the roller-coaster of writing again
To an unknown soldier person carefully;
It starts like all notes do, with one word
Carefully, meticulously chosen: “Dear.”