#22: Stage

crowd in front of people playing musical instrument during nighttime

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

While looking for a new career to sink my teeth into, I’ve spent time researching whether or not the career will involve a primarily public face as part of the role. I cannot imagine myself returning to a career where I was as exposed as I was teaching. Exposed on the stage, looking off into the audience for approval, affirmation, or validation. Seeking a way forward through the crowd, the mob, without stepping too closely on their toes or leaving them dry. Putting my own self-care first for once in a while. Placing myself in front of the rest in my own life. There is endless potential, and yet it can look so narrow and limited.

Realistically, there is employment out there for me, but I have not found it yet. It is difficult to change careers with a resume that beckons for a previous career with previous career experience all over it. No amount of changing careers will make it feel any worse while rejecting job offers for paid work doing what I did before. Knowing that getting paid is the exclusive need right now, and yet being picky, seems so challenging, and yet it is necessary for me to evolve what I’m looking for.

Sharing a stage with the rest of the career-changers out there, I wonder what it must look like. All of us bustling around, deciding whether to pursue school again, what type of school, what type of work in the meantime, what to limit myself to and what to embrace while I can. How much money can I spend without going over my absolute limit? How much money can I use to push through this apocalyptic death march and into a time of light and optimism? Why is it always about money in the end?

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Hatemachine

hatemachine marchin to war

poundin the drums

pushin the children to tears

angermachine burstin through

blastin down the walls

that you called home once

for the angermachine

prayin for the angermachine

hatemachine singin mozart

singin shakespeare, beethoven

singin joyce and poe and picasso

as he burns em to the ground

hatemachine gonna nuke the world

if we don’t think to stop it.