#461: The South Pole

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I’ve been writing a lot about what it feels like to live in a completely different world, apart from where I was used to, and away from the people I used to spend so much of my regular, daily time with. I’ve written a lot about how I feel like an exile in a strange world, and how I feel trapped as well in this place where I’m unable to leave or move away from, at least not yet or not without some extra help. I tried my best with the last person I was with, and even though everything seemed to be going great, even though the cards were stacked perfectly in my favor, I still somehow screwed it up.

I can’t take all the blame, though. I know for a fact that being betrayed isn’t something you can just take as your own, accept as completely your own fault. There’s more to betrayal than just the mistakes made by the person who was betrayed upon. There’s the impetus of the decision, the motivation to make the betrayal, but not everything needs to be relegated to that one person. It’s not fair to them, and not fair to me, for me to assume all responsibility for how things went wrong. I simply can’t accept that about myself, as hard as that may sound. I want to succeed somehow, in spite of everything, and recapture the motivation I lost while I was becoming complacent.

This blog post was originally going to be about the South Pole, because we’re working on that right now in R&P for school. It’s one of the topics we’re discussing together and analyzing in detail thanks to some supplementary readings. It sometimes feels like I’m living in the South Pole these days, so I guess that’s how I’d connect things.

#232: The Surface

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There’s so much we think we are aware of, just from looking at the surface of things. It’s easy to do so. As humans, I don’t think we want to admit sometimes that everything around us is complicated and difficult to gauge at first glance. We’d rather accept simple answers, simple solutions. Think back to all the morals you were taught in grade school; the end result of every successful Disney movie is a simplistic statement about love or honor or courage or what have you, and those are meant to realistically change everything in our lives. It’s hard to take them seriously sometimes.

That’s not to say that we all aren’t motivated by different things. And there’s nothing wrong or faulty about accepting the logic of a Disney movie. All I’m saying is that life is too complicated to reduce down to a single, monolithic resolution. Not everyone will benefit from hearing that “love always wins.” Does it really? What about the families separated at the border, the sons and daughters sitting in concentration camps? How does that moral pertain to their lives?

When it comes to how we live our lives, mental health is so crucial, yet it’s increasingly difficult to tell how a person feels just from looking at their body language, or their outer self. The inner self is often different, impossible to ascertain with just a glance. I think my terrible feelings of anxiety and depression as a teacher for a year were masked by my usual, happy-go-lucky-looking self when going about my day at work. I tried not to make it all too known. And when people found out about my mental health troubles, so few reached out to help, thinking instead that I was either overreacting or just pretending. It’s terrible to be doubted by people that are supposed to trust you.

So Many Ways


To say I have a passion in life would be underestimating.


I’ve had a passion my whole life called “doing what I enjoy,” and when I’m forced to do the opposite I tend to be unhappy. I don’t particularly enjoy being unhappy. I’d rather do something I have a passion for. 



There’s so many different ways to express creativity nowadays, one of which being through a blog, like this. Blogs let you speak on your own platform, under (largely) your own rules, with a heaping of critical analysis possible through the efforts of other, like-minded bloggers. I love that.


But there’s more to life than blogging. There’s the impassioned side of me that frowns upon uncreative tasks, unimaginative jobs, and all the other boring subsets. I don’t love that, yet I do it anyway.



And when those tasks, jobs, and subsets bore you to tears, make you cry from agonizing pain, you realize you’ve spent too much time away from the side of you that you’ve come to embrace the most: the artistic, the passionate, the lovely creative world. My summer has not been, for the most part, creative; work has consumed what I call “passion-time” and “normal-time.” Like a deadly infection, the virus of work spreads into unwanted areas of my system until I’m totally consumed by the short but important phrase, “the customer is always right.” Because she is. I’m not a customer though. I just work.



It’s times like these when you forget how many ways there are in life to express your passions. I’ve found that there’s a way for me to be creative at work – instead of following the same, boring formula of “yes” or “no” questions and repetitive conversation, I like to engage in creative discourse, depending on how I feel at the time, so as to enrich the customer’s experience while also giving me a reason to be happy while stuck for another eight hours in this place. 


I like to think that there’s someone on the other line of the phone with a need that I can address. I like to think I can take the extra step by having some fun while maintaining the serious, business composure of retail work. 

There’s so many ways to express your creativity, and although I haven’t posted very much on this blog, that’s because I came to understand that it’s not the only way for me to stay passionate and unique. You should try it, too.











Inspiring Each Other!

Thank you laurnicolehunt for the nomination! This came as a welcome surprise in the morning, and I was glad to hear that I was in some way inspiring. That means a lot!

To the people I am about to nominate as well, this means the same thing. You have either inspired me or noticeably inspire others, so thank you!


The Rules:

  1. Display the logo on your blog.
  2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
  3. State 7 things about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award.
  5. Notify your nominees.

7 Things About Me!

  1. I first wrote a novel in my freshman year of high school, but I don’t talk about it much because I really dislike it.
  2. When I was 13, I received my black belt in martial arts.
  3. I prefer Star Trek over Star Wars.
  4. I geek out to Lord of the Rings like crazy.
  5. I am obsessed with the Beatles, and often can be found walking around with a band shirt on.
  6. I’ve lived in the state of Connecticut all my life.
  7. I love the imagery of dreams, Gothic horror, and fantasy.


  1. melissafrybeasley
  2. A Way With Words
  3. rebbecabond
  4. theancienteavesdropper
  5. whorlstrompoetry
  6. Ky Grabowski
  7. philosophermouseofthehedge
  8. ArtiPeeps
  9. shrinksarentcheap

While this isn’t fifteen people, I wanted to congratulate the people that I know deserve the thanks. So thank you all!