What’s out there?
Is there
else around?

What to hope for,
what to dream for,
a mystery to me

Nothing on
the horizon,
the sun is all but

Shambling from
town to town,
a forgetful husk
waits for
Fridays and Saturdays
at the expense of
his Mondays and Tuesdays

When the weekend
is all you have,
you wonder, is there
anything else?

Was there ever
anything else?

I forget.


#66: The Restart


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Remember in my last post, how I mentioned that I got a job? Yes, I can belabor this point for three blog posts in a row: I’m very excited to be returning to work on Monday (this might be going up on Monday, in which case this will seem a bit weird.) This is my restart, and I am so much more prepared for this now that I’ve had time off to rethink, restrategize, and reprioritize myself. Let me review what this restart entails, interestingly enough, taking place right after the year changed to 2019. So much has already changed this month alone!

So… a few personal goals:

  • Be a reliable, committed employee for my school for the remainder of the 2018-19 school year.
  • Work out/go to the gym 3-4 times a week, at least 35 minutes a session.
  • Track food I eat in a food diary (Not MyFitnessPal; just taking down physical notes in my phone)
  • Read a book a month in the year 2019, starting with “The Last Wish,” which I mentioned in a previous blog post and am currently almost finished with!
  • Converse with friends more regularly/be a more communicative friend.

Hopefully these can help lay some groundwork for me to rebound off of. Having a midlife crisis in your 20s is not easily shaken off; it lingers in you, and it comes back in fits and spurts, returns, creeps in to haunt your soul. It never lets itself leave you alone, except for when you manage to forget about it. And here I am, putting it all back into my head again.

Joking aside, I hope to stick to these goals throughout the year, and I want to keep them in mind as I transition into work life again. Being at home alone versus having a full-time job are drastically different life cycles and styles. One’s more sedentary, for example, while another demands more activity. You can probably guess which is which. I hope to make the transition smooth and comfortable, while also establishing some good habits and routines while I’m in a positive, cheerful mood. Here’s to the rest of 2019, given what good fortune has come this year so far.

#54: The New Year

abstract art blur bokeh

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2019 is finally here. 2018 is over and done with.

It’s a new year, which means new habits, new routines, new celebrations. I spoke in my last blog post about what new things I’m looking forward to in the new year, such as taking more personal initiative during troubled times, so hopefully this blog resonates in a similar way. I’d like to talk about my goals for 2019, now that it is 2019 (although I’m writing this in 2018 still; don’t tell anyone!)

Here’s what I’ve come up with, so far:

  • Write 300 words on my blog at least once a day (with occasional breaks when necessary, like when I traveled to Michigan and couldn’t keep up)
  • Do Duolingo at least once a day, or at least maintain a streak for over three months (stay realistic, don’t overburden yourself with goals that are too lofty to achieve!)
  • Wake up before 10 every day
  • Go to the gym at least 3-4 days a week
  • Plan frequent weekend trips with Alex to the places we love
  • Discover the career of my dreams
  • Begin seeing a therapist again
  • Adopt and care for a brilliant, lovely little dog
  • Finish my novel by the end of the year

The first bullet point, about writing on my blog more frequently, is a goal I’m carrying from 2018 into 2019; I’ve found this regular writing about my life to be oddly fulfilling and inspiring, and so I’d like to continue doing it and reaching out to people on this website. It will hopefully fill me with the same joy and motivation it did in 2018. Also, it helps having stuff written down, as it almost confirms that it is true, and that I can leave it from my mind for a bit. Having these goals on here also helps me stay accountable; if I’m not holding myself to my own established routines, I can look back on my post about the new year and remind myself of them. Accountability is everything when it comes to goal-setting.

The last bullet point… well, I haven’t started writing a novel yet. But I know I have a novel waiting to be unleashed and read by people, it just isn’t written as of now. I know, though, that at some point, it will come out. I just need to wait on it for a bit. Eventually, you’ll start seeing chapters pop up on here, and sooner or later, they’ll merge into a fully-fledged story before your eyes. Watch out!

#50: Dog Town

brown gift box on white bull dog s head

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The most wonderful time of the year gets even better. Thanks to our time spent in Michigan, along with some other factors, in which we were flanked by dogs at every turn, Alex and I have decided to adopt a young dog to live with us in the apartment. A new pal, a best friend. I’ll have a companion during my days of working at home. We’ll have a buddy to take with us to our next Renaissance Faire or Farmer’s Market excursion, and we can dress him up and keep him on a leash and walk him around outside. We can bring him onto the bed when he’s behaved. All the small, little things about owning a dog are what I’m most excited for, especially because I’ll be sharing that responsibility with someone whom I know is reliable, trustworthy, and accountable when it comes to these things. It just adds to the anticipation!

Sleeping with Alex’s dog Speedy (who’s not so speedy any more, Mr. Hobbles) kind of reinvigorated our spirits when it comes to caring for dogs. Along with some other news that shocked us all, we decided it was the perfect time to take some serious steps towards adopting a pet. I’m so glad we decided to make this decision, considering how excited and happy it’s made us just to speak about it since then. It’s provided us with some exciting things to look forward to in the future, and I simply can’t wait.

Speaking of dogs, one of Alex’s amazing Christmas gifts for me, the last one she had, was a set of socks with my dog Minnie’s face on them. At first I thought it was just a dog that looked similar to Minnie, but then it actually was her, and my mind was blown for a solid moment or two. Alex is super creative and wonderful when it comes to gift giving, that’s for sure. My philosophy for giving gifts is to just go for what gives us the most practical use, or what seems the most fun. But in the case of dogs, the gift is the same no matter what.