#327: The Kudos

close up of fish over black background

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On Pocket Camp, a game I haven’t touched in awhile for whatever reason, I used to get kudos from people who visited my campsite and enjoyed my creations. Kudos was their way of expressing appreciation. Then again, there were also other ways of receiving kudos: sometimes Nintendo would host events where you’re asked to give kudos a certain amount of times to people on your friends list, so lots of people spam kudos and don’t really care what happens with it. They just do it to unlock the next set of rewards on their list of quests. I do it too when it’s available, just because I’d rather not sit down and waste my time.

Kudos is also an option on Archie of Our Own, an independently-run, non-profit organization that provides fans with an easy way to upload their stories on the internet. It’s a wonderful place full of people who have tons of great stories to share, and I love being able to share and give kudos to other people. Kudos is how you are validated on that site, and kudos is what allows you to see how many people liked what you wrote. It’s the currency of happiness on that website. Sometimes, when I feel especially down, I remember that people actually enjoyed some things that I wrote recently and are into them enough that they are willing to leave kudos for me. The fact that they’ve even read my work in the first place gives me joy, and I don’t know what to do with that feeling. It makes me happy to know that others appreciated what I did. Appreciation doesn’t come easily, but when working in a fandom, kudos and appreciation aren’t as scarce as they might appear to be. There are many options for giving and receiving love.

#322: The Fear

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

I’m currently in the middle of writing a fic about fear, specifically about one character’s biggest fears manifesting and twisting around her. It’ll be posting on Sunday, although by the time this blog post goes up, it’ll be well past Sunday. Oh well, you can’t win them all.

Fear is an interesting subject to me. I used to be afraid of a lot of things: the dark, the deep ocean, my closet, funny places like that. I was so afraid that I hated going to the beach, although I can’t recall the last time I actually did go to the beach freely. I was never much of a beach person growing up, although I went a few times with Jimmy to catch crabs with his family. Those days were pretty fun. I was a deeply afraid and scared person, and I attribute a lot of that to my general insecurity towards life. Thankfully, those days are past me and I no longer have the same worries that I did then. In a sense, I’ve grown up and realized how childish those fears were.

But, some people are still deeply afraid of things. It’s not easy to just overcome something without thinking about it. You have to really dedicate yourself to overcoming a particular fear, either by desensitizing yourself to it or immersing yourself in the fear until you no longer have to deal with it any more.

The fic I’m writing deals with fear but doesn’t let the character overcome it near the end, believe it or not. They’re still struggling with the same fears by the end, but I think that’s only natural. Not everyone receives a happy ending in which they overcome what they sought to overcome. Sometimes they just continue to struggle, and that’s all there is to it.