#322: The Fear

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

I’m currently in the middle of writing a fic about fear, specifically about one character’s biggest fears manifesting and twisting around her. It’ll be posting on Sunday, although by the time this blog post goes up, it’ll be well past Sunday. Oh well, you can’t win them all.

Fear is an interesting subject to me. I used to be afraid of a lot of things: the dark, the deep ocean, my closet, funny places like that. I was so afraid that I hated going to the beach, although I can’t recall the last time I actually did go to the beach freely. I was never much of a beach person growing up, although I went a few times with Jimmy to catch crabs with his family. Those days were pretty fun. I was a deeply afraid and scared person, and I attribute a lot of that to my general insecurity towards life. Thankfully, those days are past me and I no longer have the same worries that I did then. In a sense, I’ve grown up and realized how childish those fears were.

But, some people are still deeply afraid of things. It’s not easy to just overcome something without thinking about it. You have to really dedicate yourself to overcoming a particular fear, either by desensitizing yourself to it or immersing yourself in the fear until you no longer have to deal with it any more.

The fic I’m writing deals with fear but doesn’t let the character overcome it near the end, believe it or not. They’re still struggling with the same fears by the end, but I think that’s only natural. Not everyone receives a happy ending in which they overcome what they sought to overcome. Sometimes they just continue to struggle, and that’s all there is to it.

#216: The Scare

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Nothing like trying to start your car in the middle of nowhere, only for it to buzz, beep, creak, and stop in its tracks within a few seconds. Nothing else will set your mind at ease or make your feelings of anxiety any better in this moment than a complete and total fix to the situation, but you know in the back of your head that nothing will fix this quickly, let alone easily. You’re afraid of what to do, considering your state of mind and everything else going on the night before. The only way out is to phone a friend and hope for the absolute best.

A few seconds later, your call is answered. You wait in your sweatpants and sweater in the sweaty, steamy heat, amplified by your steel automobile, for your friend to arrive in time. You wait and wait and wait, hopeful that eventually the heat will die down or your air conditioner will turn on after twisting the knob to the left over and over. It never seems to turn on.

That’s when things start to take a turn for the better. Your friend arrives about ten minutes after you called him, and you wait in the car while he jumpstarts the engine. Nothing feels normal any more. You wait until the heat disappears, but it never does. Sooner or later, the engine is up and running, and your car is ready to go. You know that you’ve just been exhausted by stress, so you turn the car off and go back inside the house, only to realize that turning the car off ruins the whole ordeal you just went through. You call your friend again to come back, realizing how much of a nincompoop you are.

It happens. You never know what to do in a situation like this until it actually happens to you.

arachnophobia

Spider

sitting in a deserted room

drenched in water but

starving of thirst and hunger,

there’s something lurking deep

inside the realm of imagination,

a terror I am familiar with,

a terror I despise more than

clowns, darkness, or heights,

but the monster

I see it there on the wall,

and it’s alone, watching me.

I feel it course through my limbs,

my skin tingles and shrieks

in anger, anticipation, anxiety

for the monster is there

with its fangs readied and

its poison enthusiastic and

anticipating when I will try

to snatch it from its solitude.

I hate this monster very much.

Sensing Fear (Haiku)

afraid

Please turn on the lights

I am afraid and lonely

And I need a drink.

 

Please shut the windows.

The wind screams and roars angrily,

And it bothers me.

 

Please lock the front door,

It threatens me so deeply

And I smell deceit.

 

Please oust the portrait

It stares into my small eyes,

And I am afraid.

 

Please stop the madness,

It touches my shoulder now,

And I have much fear.