#426: The Futon

photo of living room

Photo by Milly Eaton on Pexels.com

I’m back living on my mom’s futon. This is life now, and I have to just get used to it, whatever this life brings to me. I know the path ahead is very uncertain and I’m not exactly used to it, but a part of me anticipates new changes and a new me in the future. I know it’s weird to be hopeful in situations like these, but a part of me is actually hopeful that this will work out for the best. Crazy, right?

More than anything, what I want is to be able to return to a bit of normalcy and comfort. What I experienced living in Stamford was comfortable living; I didn’t have to worry about much, and things were mostly taken care of for me. I appreciated that, of course, because it’s not easy to take care of my life. I know I’m not exactly the easiest person to get along with, but a part of me hoped that that would be surmounted, that I wouldn’t have to worry about it much. I was wrong in that assumption. Sometimes we underestimate just how obnoxious we really are, even in our day to day habits and routines.

The last time I remember sleeping on this futon, I didn’t experience back or neck pain, but this morning I woke up with an aching sensation in my lower neck. I can’t quite place what caused it, maybe because I slept weird, or maybe because I slept for what seemed to be 12 hours. Regardless, my neck hurts and this is just one of many problems I’ll have to deal with over the next few days and weeks.

Uncertainty sucks. I just wish I knew what to expect from the future. Living on a futon isn’t that bad; it’s really the uncertainty that’s slowly killing me.

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