Is it worth it?


Waking in the morning is a chore sometimes. When it’s very early in the morning I feel like sleeping not waking. When it’s nighttime I can’t wait to wake again. In the evening there are no chores. Actually sometimes there are chores like sleeping and waking but I don’t do them. Not during the evening.

Each nighttime I ask myself: is it worth it?

Lots of time wasted thinking of what to do. I remember how to do most of the meaningful things of my life. Fulfilling ideas have become the norm today as I’m now obsessed with following the diabolic and sacred pattern of moving and not moving simultaneously, whilst also not thinking especially while thinking. It’s like when you’re watching an internet video, and suddenly you look at the clock and it’s not the time you thought it was but actually an hour or three later, yet you can still hear the familiar sounds from the video tingling in your ear buds, like indescribably small rockets from space, leaving the ISS and landing on the moon. Momentarily imagine the pain of having an idea, and then imagine the pleasure of not having the idea when you go to write it down, only your brain hears the same sounds from last night’s time-twisting internet video, and again two minutes later. It’s when you mean to work on that project or that essay that the idea of losing oneself in the technological world seems more pleasurable and perhaps more plausible considering most projects and essays require computers nowadays. One time I went outside and it was fine. I felt the sky when it was at its highest. I remember when computers weren’t required and I would make papier-mâché during summer camp. Especially the volcanic kind because those were messy and then I wished I was doing something else like watching internet videos about toaster cats spewing rainbows. Imagining if the cat spewed papier-mâché  instead of multicolored farts oh my. I think every first-world child should be forced to make papier-mâché  volcanoes and feel the absurd pain of having it explode.

When I was eight I liked to play dinosaur games on the computer, and those games took up my time then but at least I didn’t have many responsibilities except for brushing my teeth in the morning and after meals but not at night because I don’t do chores then. Today there aren’t any more dinosaur games only I wish there was one specifically made for me by Nintendo. Eight was also the first time I stared into my stuffed animal stegasaurus’ eyes and named him. Thankfully for Salvador he had a great name and also had the pleasure of being my best friend for a couple years until I liked going to school again and I forgot about Salvador. But he’s still around so I guess he was right about friends.

Doing things during the day can bore me if they’re not intellectually stimulating or spoken with charisma or bravely new or dinosaur-filled or both, if you’d like. Doing things such as showering with the snooze alarm activated and then pretending you can’t hear it over the bathroom sounds seems like an adventure to me because it’s six A.M. Showering is the modern day symbol of Jesus’ salvation. Doing things like playing card games with dogs constitutes a good time for me if you’re interested in what they have to say. I’ve found that dogs can be really worth your time sometimes if you open your mind first.

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